5th Period Malcolm X "My First Conk" Critique

4/24/2008

After reading one other student's response from your 5th period class, comment on his/her response. Keep in mind that the student will want to hear CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM; please no negativity. Help the student see what he/she is doing right or wrong. How can the student improve his/her response? Could the response be more analytical? Is the response too vague, etc.? Be clear and concise in your critique of the student's response. Be sure to include the student's name that you are critiquing and your name.

15 Comments

ashley roth

4/25/2008 05:28:48 am

on maria"s paper.
your paper is well rounded,it has just enough information from the sorce and from the author. the only thing that could have improved this paper was to state the question it was to answer.over all well done!

mansford masters

4/25/2008 12:30:28 pm

in response to ashley's response

There were a few spelling errors, but overall you described the purpose really well. I like how the thesis is restated very directly at the end as well; it ties it together. More elaboration on how the purpose and message of his essay would move his readers might help.
Great focus on directly answering the question though.
:)

Camille Warren

4/26/2008 04:10:57 am

In response to Manny's paper.

I liked this paper, it was well written and direct. I think that you could have elaborated on the thesis a bit more, but other than that great job!

Maria

4/29/2008 06:55:09 am

In respone to Krystal:

Very nice elaboration. I wish that it could have been longer (I know there is a 1 page limit) because it had a lot of very good ideas. The structure was good and your comments were very deep and logical. Nice work Kyrstal. Just don't forget spell check! :)

Mike Rodriguez

4/29/2008 07:11:41 am

Response to Byron's paper:

Overall a good paper. I like how he brought in the author's own words more than once to help explain his paper. It really helped create a picture of what was going on without even reading the story.
For a one page limit you easily answered the question and you kept your answer very focused.
Good job.
Ms. Brandt...my email is on this one.

Byron

4/29/2008 08:02:15 pm

I'm commenting on Mike's paper. I think he has a good start. He has the foundation down, but has not gone any further in explanation. Yes, I understand that the Africans were changing their appearances to fit in, but why is that so bad? Why is Malcolm X making it such a point to the African American community that assimilating is a negative thing? I also think aside from the basics he had, there could've been more analysis of literary devices used to tie back into the thesis and theme.

Karen Riley

4/30/2008 04:42:38 am

in response to Afaribea's paper

I thought this was really good. You definatly got the meaning behind the excerpt, and you had a good interpretation of what the thesis was. you knew a lot about the thesis and did a great job digging deeper into it. You also seemed to know a lot about Malcolm X's story which really helped contribute to your paper.

Afaribea Dodi

4/30/2008 05:37:48 am

In response to Alex Fix's paper:

I thought your introduction was really good and descriptive. I think you should have elaborated more on the qoute. It was a good quote, but It took up half of your paper. Elaborate more on what you said that "Malcolm showed his fellow citizens, and audience, that even one as strong as he could succumb to the white “brainwashing”." I am not sure on what you mean by that., but it seems like you have a strong point going. Overall, I think you understood the story.

Bryan Kennedy

4/30/2008 07:08:46 am

In response to Manny's paper:

The paper was good and tells why Malcom X believes that conking is bad the only thing i would change is to state what the thesis is in the paper.

Lakeshia White

4/30/2008 11:27:40 am

In response to Afaribea:

I like how you mentioned that African-Americans have been looking for acceptacne and by conking their hair, black felt as if they were accepted into society. The one thing I really dont get is when you mentioned the wiggs??? Maybe if you would have elaborated on it more then I would of better understand it. Over all I liked your paper!!! Good job!!! : )

krystal rodriguez

5/1/2008 06:52:33 am

in response to karens:
i really like how you brought the whole thing about his head "flamming up", it really sort of symbolizes how degrading conking was. i didnt notice that when i read it so that was a very good thought.

Kyle Jones

5/2/2008 09:19:21 am

on mike's paper

he brought forth a lot of background information although there were some points that i found rather vague...othewise i think that you tied in the information with the paper...:)

Kyle Jones

5/2/2008 09:21:19 am

on ashley's paper

i think that you handled the subject well...omly thing i have to say is that there were a few spelling errors and usage errors but other than that...kudos to you!!!!!

Alyssa Gerstner

5/3/2008 01:22:23 am

In response to Camille's paper

I liked your paper, maybe you can elaborate on the thesis more.

Kyle Jones

5/4/2008 05:29:40 am

on mike's paper

i read your paper again and being that i heavily researched malcolm x, i couldn't help but enlighten you that malcolm had never gotten violent with anyone at all though he believed that civil rights ought to be achieved by any means necessary but he had never shot or killed anyone though

5th Period Malcolm X "My First Conk" Critique

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