S. Brandt

After reading one other student's response from your 5th period class, comment on his/her response.  Keep in mind that the student will want to hear CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM; please no negativity.  Help the student see what he/she is doing right or wrong.  How can the student improve his/her response?  Could the response be more analytical?  Is the response too vague, etc.?  Be clear and concise in your critique of the student's response. Be sure to include the student's name that you are critiquing and your name.

S. Brandt
5/1/2008 10:08:30 pm

Alex - In your introductory paragraph, you state, "Zinsser’s purpose was to inform the American population of just how defunct the college experience had become." Specifically, who is Zinsser's audience? What exactly does he want the "American population" to do? And when you say, "It would seem that Zinsser not only wanted to expose this situation, but to propose that it needed to be rectified as well." To what situation specifically are you referring? What is the disfunction of American colleges? How can we rectify it? You have a good essay, but to improve on it try to be as specific as possible.

Ashley Roth
5/3/2008 05:56:56 am

karen riley-
i love how simple you made the respnse. you put in in terms as if i had never read the essay, but you didnt spoil the plot.
maybe next time try diging a lettle deeper, i understood the prompt from your essay,just maybe add more.

Kyle Jones
5/4/2008 05:18:33 am

Alex like i said before you brought forth a point of view that i didn't even see before...i read your response again and then read the excerpt agin trying to listen for the fatherly tone and was successful

Kyle Jones
5/4/2008 05:23:29 am

Ashley R

I like how you gave a thought as to how one would think in that situation, however...i thought that we couldn't use "i" or "you" in our responses other than that i got a clear picture of your mindset behind writing your response

krystal rodriguez
5/4/2008 10:40:49 am

your essay is short but goes right into the point, stating the purpose for which Zinsser desires change, how students would benefit, and why change would be such a good thing for society. niiiice :)

Camille Warren
5/4/2008 11:22:01 am

Brian K-
Very well written and direct paper. It would help in the essay if you used more of your voice and also some direct quotes. Though all in all great paper:)

Mike Rodriguez
5/5/2008 08:52:41 am

Your paper is nice, short, and to the point. You directly answered the questions and didn't have to make me search for what the author wanted to point out. I definitely didn't have to read his excerpt since i read your paper and i believe that is a great thing to do.

Afaribea Dodi
5/5/2008 11:36:47 am

Ashley Holley:

I thought you had something really good going, but you did not analyze the purpose of Zinsser's exert much. I felt as if it were some what of a summary. Your paper is really good, just try to go further in depth. Remember COMMENTARY.

Byron Wigfall
5/5/2008 01:23:44 pm

Alyssa G.

I really liked your paper and I think you included everything that I would include in my paper. The only that I would have wanted to see is why Zinsser wants to see change. What is so bad about the system right now, that is needing of change? What are the students losing by living up to others' standards instead of what makes them happy?

5/6/2008 04:56:26 am

Manny: Wow so I really liked the way you basically summarized the whole essay, but at the same time you drew in elements from your general summary. This was such a thurough paper. You discussed every possible angle and introduced ideas that I hadn't even though about. All in all a very strong paper.

Bryan Kennedy
5/6/2008 07:11:26 am


that was a good essay i liked how you ended it.

Alyssa Gerstner
5/6/2008 11:05:27 am

Ashley R.

I liked your paper, and I really like it in the beginning. I feel like you lost it a bit at then end, maybe rethink your conclusion next time.

Lakeshia White
5/7/2008 08:49:14 am


I like how you wrote this paper. The only thing that I dont know is who is Zinesser's audience? You addressed that he wrote this essay to effect a change. GOOD JOB!!!


Leave a Reply.

    S. Brandt

    This is my first attempt at blogging, so please be patient with me.  Incorporating a blog into the AP curriculum will help facilitate discussion that can be rewarding for everyone.  Here you will be able to post your responses online and to see what the rest of your classmates are analyzing as well.  Enjoy the experience and let me know what you think.


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